Perpetual Motion

Perpetual Motion
Image by: Captured Synchronicity

I feel a constant pressure; my existence in a vice.

My shoulders burdened by the burgeoning need to matter.

I ache for a distraction to ignore the pain of having no purpose.

 

Growing weary of the questions;

Why am I trapped here, angry, anxious and hopeless?

Why do I feel this obligation to the world; to myself?

 

I’m never happy. It’s so hard to say; to realize and admit.

When friends ask how I am, I lie every time; nothing is fine.

Blocked from my happiness, I cannot feel joy; my consciousness is a pit.

 

I yearn to be at peace;

Free from self-doubt and insecurities; a moment without dread.

To painlessly exist and understand my path.

 

No time to spend on my desires.

By the time I recover from the misery of my current state of being,

It’s time to resume progressively slipping into a miserable pit of depression.

 

Each day it becomes harder to get out of bed;   

Misery is the thought of existing another day.

No alarm sounds before I sense the pain ahead.

 

The first thought that passes through my head each day, is regret that I’ve awakened again.

She says to write, that things are looking up, but I don’t have that faith.

Can I handle it when my words collect dust in the bargain bin?

 

I see her discover her purpose, one I’ve longed decades to find;

Happy and fulfilled, enthusiastic with a zest for life.

I am happy for her, and so proud; Although, I am sure she will leave me behind.

 

I am broken, incomplete; a part of me is missing.

She found her missing parts in a camera; in her art;

I fear I’ll never find my passion; my thing.

 

I can’t hold her back now that she’s complete;

An empty shell is what I’ve become; I don’t know how to fake being a real boy anymore.

My world is too heavy for to hold and will leave me miserable and alone.

 

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